The Cattle Theory of SubGenius Origins
> > > Did you know reincarnation is a fact? It has been > > > proven in India and now studies here are showing > > > there can be life after life. > Heh. really. > > But, truly, who would want to COME BACK HERE?? Sounds miserable. What's the point? > Get me OFF this planet.
It is possible that the process that Pinks eagerly look forward to as “reincarnation” is little more than a celestial “milking”.
And we’re the cows. And any karma we accrue is the sought-after “milk”.
The horrible reality suggested by this is that Pink Heaven is actually a sort of abbatoir for those souls producing the most tasteless milk. THAT’S WHY NOBODY COMES BACK FROM THERE — ‘CAUSE THEY’RE BEIN’ SERVED AT SOME GOD’S BARBECUE.
On the other hand, Hell is probably a sort of memory of the milking process; like those Greys and the anal probes. And once you’re milked, what happens? BACK TO PASTURE, DAISY. So where do “Bob” and the Xists fit in? Um, maybe they’re a celestial PETA or ALF, trying to liberate us back into the wild. And the Con is tryin’ to KEEP us producers of such rich milk – which is prolly watered down for Their palates anyway.
We all know by now that us Yetinsyny deserve better than this horrid Pink planet, and that we have virtually NOTHING in common with the Pinks, but HOW DID WE GET HERE? Well, I’ll tell ya.
Our forebears — a breeding pair of pureblood Yeti (who produce the best-tasting karma of any species, you know) were STOLEN from the X-ists: rustled, if you will, in a desperate attempt by the Con or its backer JHVH-1 (or maybe even G’Broag’Fran) to buck up falling sales by injecting some new blood into their weak, watery Normals. And THAT is what the “Fall from Eden” schtick is ALL ABOUT.
Now, imagine how Yeti, who must have Slack, yet they crave it not for it is their NATURAL STATE, would cope in a Conspiracy-operated world. Living on what for them would be starvation rations, forced into hideous couplings with creatures that look like ghastly CARICATURES of oneself, and of course the inept hands on the milking apparatus! Dobbs rest their souls. Or more likely wrest them back to the good ol’ Xists to testify to what happened.
We, the SubGenii, are the last remnants of the half-breed half-Yeti. We are what the Con wanted, but we are not as biddable as the Con wanted. But what we have is a kinda hybrid vigour, and even the Xists are starting to see some good in us, especially since our yeti strain has survived these millions of years.
And there’s a rumour goin’ round about the Xists and their boy Dobbs are a-gonna mount a rustlin’ operation of their OWN, to retrieve not the by now long-dead Yeti, but their descendants — that’s US — who’ve still got a significant amount of Yeti DNA. OK, it’s more of a retributive visit, as they’re gonna burn the fields and all the little Pink herd animals therein, and/or let the Yacatisma loose on what’s left, but that’s just quibbling.
We, once rescued, can look forward to being re-embodied in Yeti form: the uglier Pink aspects will be literally BURNED AWAY, leaving us with only the beneficial aspects. And we shall be lifted unto our birthright, the gift given us from our long dead Adam and Eve Yeti, the gift of ETERNAL SLACK.
But “Bob”‘d better make sure we get a cut of the profits, too.
Posted in Articles (SubGenius,Rants) by R Cruickshank 01/08/07 07:49 PM Tags: conspiracy, cosmic wisdom, fiction, rant, silly, subgenius
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